Depression

What does it feel like?

It’s feels as if you’re being sucked into a dark black hole with no way out.

Your thoughts are jumbled and all over the place.
No matter how hard you try, you cannot think straight.

You feel alone.
Lonely.
Only seeking solace at your darkest places.

You eat yourself up on the inside with self-loathe and consuming hatred.

You are constantly being reminded by your inner demon how worthless and stupid you are.

You’re forced to act as if everything is fine when on the inside you are tearing yourself a part bit by bit.

With each day that passes, getting up in the morning gets so much harder.

You never give yourself credit or pride for the good work. Instead, you criticize everything negatively.

It feels as if the world can do better without you.

You are replaceable.

You are replaceable.

You are replaceable.

But why? You’ve got it all.
The looks.
The personality.
The money.

Don’t ask me why.
For, I myself don’t know.

Anxious.
Scared.
Demotivated.
Lost.
Sad.
Empty.

So damn tired.

It’s like living in a house that does not feel like home.

You are aware of where you are and what you do yet you do not know who you are or what you want.

You feel self-destructive.

Careless.

Selfish yet selfless – for, you do not want to burden anyone with the weight you’re carrying on your shoulders.

You do not want to tell anyone how you’re feeling.

Because no one understands.
and the sad truth is no one will understand.

So, don't ask me again what depression feels like,

even with all the words above, 

nobody will be able to give you the exact answer.

Because there is no right answer. 

Missing

I miss you, my dear 
I miss your beautiful blue eyes

I miss you sitting right here, 
with me under the clear blue sky

I miss the way your hands fit perfectly in mine,
I also miss your soft lips,

I miss you all the damn time, 
and I miss the touch of your fingertips, 

I miss the way you looked at me, 
as if I was someone no one could replace 

I just don't miss the way you left baby, 
or when you said you needed some space 

I do not miss you when you were selfish 
nor when you only cared about your well-being

I do not miss how you suddenly left me to perish
or how you turned around and left me to bleed 

I do not miss the way you mocked me
and I definitely do not miss you acting like a child

I do not miss when we argued and didn’t agree 
you have no idea that my heart has been defiled

I do not miss your twisted thoughts,
but I do miss us talking extremely late

I do not miss how you waited for me to connect the dots,
I got lost my dear, I couldn’t continue moving straight

I do not miss you when you shut me out,
babe you never gave me a chance to save you

I do not miss you when you kept on having doubts
about what we were and what we went through

I do not miss our last goodbye,
it was one of the hardest things to get over

I do not miss that one last cry,
as I realized that this might be the last time we talk forever.

Again

here they go again…
killing me slowly with their lethal words,
forcing me down a grave I dug with my own bare hands,
and yet,
they still ask,
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Why are you bitter?”
“Why do you hate us?”
I don’t hate you. I’m just tired. I’m exhausted.

and there you go again…
carving another scar on my delicate skin,
crushing my soul with your silly words and nonsense
killing me even more for not understanding
and then you tell me
“Why are you not over it?”
oh darling, you will never know the answer 

Weakness

I study you to try and find your weaknesses because you tend to find mine so easily and it terrifies me. It terrifies me that someday you might use my weaknesses against me, and when I need to defend myself… I won’t have anything but heartache and pain. 

Hatred

You made me hate my favorite songs. 

Hands

He held my hand.

I hesitated.

I tried to get into it,

But I couldn’t

For his hands did not fit mine perfectly the way yours did

His touch did not give me any tingles the way yours did

He’s nice
but he’s not the one I want

You are.

Sad songs - 1

One of the saddest songs that I've ever heard. 

Take me somewhere nice by Mogwai. 

I did not understand it at first and then I researched it's meaning and found out how crazy deep and sad it is. Other than the beautiful and calm music, it's one of the greatest and deepest songs I've heard. 

Listen to it first and I will explain it later. 

The song is about this weird effect that happens in Glasgow, Scotland. There are a lot of chemical treatment plants that emit a weird mist that when combined with ambient light creates weird illusions. Many Glasgowians report seeing spaceships and ufo's in the fog. Some report abductions. This song is basically the writer begging to be taken somewhere nice by the aliens because he's sick of where he is.

God damn it's beautiful.